Reconnect
by Sheffield93
Summary: It's not the same Richard Castle who got her pregnant. The one who was rescued is distant, doesn't touch her and hasn't felt their child move. It is decision time. S7 AU. Tumblr prompt
1. Alone

Prompt from Tumblr:

S7 fic: Castle is found and dealing with some PTSD. Kate finds out she is pregnant, but Castle is having a hard time connecting to her and the pregnancy.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Alone<strong>

"Castle" Kate says to get his attention. She's stood opposite him in the lounge of the loft, after another morning of awkwardness has resulted in her finally telling him what she's wanted to for the past week. "I'm trying so hard to help you. I go with you to every therapy session, I hold you through each nightmare and every time I think that we're getting somewhere there's something else. But I need you to help me too, in less than two months I'll be giving birth to _our_ son. _Our_ child, Rick. I'm hurting too but I can't do this on my own.

"Each time I wake up to find you not there I'm scared that you've left us. Every time you shout at me or we have a fight I fear that you'll tell me to leave or just walk out.

"I'm in the last trimester and this pregnancy is getting hard. I can't tie my shoes or pick something up from the floor. Every time I get up it takes effort and each day it gets harder. You've not been to an appointment, you don't even touch me and going out on a limb here but right now I don't see you holding my hand when I'm giving birth. So what is it? Do you even want me anymore? Is this child going to be an inconvenience to you?"

She's met only with a stunned look with no words.

"I think I got my answer." Kate grabs her bag and makes her way to the door.

As she walks past him, he stops her by holding her arm. "Kate, wait."

"Figure out what you want, Castle. I need to know where I'm going to be in two months' time, who or if anyone I can rely on to support me. I cannot raise a new born in this environment."

He releases her arm, as she continues towards the door each step breaks her heart a little more with the tears falling more and more.

Even after she's gone he is still shocked at her words.

"Richard, dear, she's right." Martha says as she's descending the stairs. "I don't think you realise how much she's doing for you, for all of us. You don't see her cry; she's exhausted the poor girl. When she found out that she was pregnant, you weren't here to see her cry, to cry for you. She's terrified, any first time parent is but you have no idea what she's been through. Her doctor tells her to keep her stress down, how can she do that when she's in such a precarious situation?"

Rick is unable to form any words before his mother continues.

"Somewhere deep down inside of you there is the Richard Castle that is her fiancé but if you keep pushing her away she'll believe that he's gone. I'll tell you one thing for definite, there's no way I'm going to let that girl go through this on her own. She hasn't got her own mother and right now she hasn't got her partner either."

Her speech has still not got a response from Rick so Martha carries on.

"Kiddo, you had better buck your ideas up, decide if you want to be a part of your child's life or not. If you do, then get your act together and tell Katherine but don't leave her hanging. For her sake and for the sake of your son."

Martha finishes as she leaves her son, once again, shocked at what has just been said.

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><p>After a testing morning at work, Kate still manages to make it to Rick's appointment on time. "Hi, Becky." Kate said to the receptionist at the psychiatrist's office. "Is Rick here yet?"<p>

"I'm sorry, Kate, didn't he tell you?" Kate shook her head in response. "He cancelled his appointment, said that something had come up."

"Great, just flaming great." Kate rubbed her forehead, still in disbelief of this. Becky saw a tear fall from Kate's eye.

"Are you okay, Kate?"

"No." Kate replied as her voice was breaking. "I really hoped that we were getting somewhere. We had a fight earlier but I said that I'd be here for him." She shook her head again before gasping. Her hand flew to her back.

"Kate? Is it the baby?"

Kate waits for the pain to pass, as each second goes by Becky gets increasingly worried. "Yes, it's just Braxton hicks though."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you for your concern though. I only wished that Rick cared as much."

"Kate-" Becky said, her voice laden with concern and sorrow for the pregnant woman.

"No, sorry, it's not your fault. I had better get going, leave you to your job. I better go try save mine." Kate said as she turned to go.

"Kate, at least sit down and let me call you a cab."

"Thanks." Kate was grateful that she wouldn't have the responsibility of hailing a cab. Apparently New York cabbies don't pay attention to pregnant women.

"Sounds like you could use an appointment." Becky said as she placed the phone back on the receiver.

"I just want my fiancée back." Kate pleaded softly.

"I know that if you needed it Doctor Burke would see you, even though you're not technically a patient anymore."

"I'll think about it." It wasn't so much a therapist she needed more just someone to talk to and help her but isn't that what Burke did before?

"He could see you at home, if you'd prefer."

"I know he would, it's just...let me get today over with and I'll see where I'm at."

"Okay, you can call me too if you want. I know I'm not a psychiatrist or anything but I'd be happy to listen." Becky replied as she wrote down her number on a business card then giving it to Kate.

"Thank you, I'll do that."

"It's okay." Becky had always had sympathy for Kate. She'd seen Kate quite often the past few years now she wasn't a patient but still came with Rick.

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><p>Later that afternoon Kate arrived outside the building of her OBGYN to see Martha standing by the door. "Hi Martha, what are you doing here?"<p>

"I'm here for you." Martha answered as if it wasn't obvious. To be fair there wasn't another reason.

"You don't have to." While Martha had been before Kate didn't want her to feel as if she had to. Martha had her own job it wasn't usual that the mother in law attends the appointments, mother of the soon to be mother maybe.

"I'm not letting you do this on your own. I told Richard he better come but I didn't know if he would so I came in case."

"Thank you." Kate said as she took Martha's hand.

"I'm not letting you do this on your own, besides it is my grandson."

"Yeah, it is." Kate said in reflection, Rick should be here not Martha. It was his child after all.

"Katherine, I did this on my own and I was terrified, I wasn't going to let you do this on your own when you didn't have to. I don't know what is wrong with Richard-"

"He didn't come to the appointment today, he cancelled it."

"He did what?" Martha was truly shocked, after what she had told her son in the morning he had only gone and done the opposite.

"Yep, I turned up only for the receptionist to tell me that he'd cancelled."

"Oh, Katherine." Martha hugged Kate, from the side as Kate's bump got in the way.

"I'm trying so hard but I'm beginning to think that he doesn't want to help."

"I heard you two this morning." Martha told Kate.

"I need stability, Martha. I've got eight weeks, if that, left. What brought it to a front was my appointment and the Braxton Hicks. Did you hear the fight yesterday?"

"No, I didn't."

"He told me to be quiet, that I had no idea what he was going through and all those lines. Gosh, Martha, I felt small and scared. What if he takes it out on the baby and hurts him? I can't have that. I'd rather do it on my own." More tears were collecting in Kate's eye as she spoke, it was getting harder to speak.

"Katherine-"

"Let's go, I'll be late." Kate said in a tone that left no room for question, both women walked slowly into the building hoping that good news would come of this appointment.

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><p>"Kate, I'm putting you on bed rest. Your blood pressure is through the roof, you're stressed and at risk of pre-eclampsia." The doctor said as she removed her gloves.<p>

"No. I-" Kate started before being cut off.

"Kate, you do this or you're putting yourself and your baby at serious risk."

"I'll lose my job." She pleaded.

"No, you won't. It's illegal." The doctor countered.

"Rick needs me to-"

"Kate, each time this comes up. He can't be your priority at the moment." The doctor warned her knowing of the stress that was already a problem.

"The doctor is right, Katherine." Martha told her.

"Fine, I'll do it." Kate accepted that the doctor was right. The baby was the priority so Kate needed to take care of herself.

"Good." The doctor was relieved that Kate had put up less of a fight; apparently Martha's presence had a positive effect each time.

For Kate the day had gone from devastating to shattering, there weren't many more things that could make this day any worse. She had almost certainly lost the person who was supposed to be her fiancé and had been told that because of what had been going on she was putting her health and that of her child's at risk. Her world was crumbling in front of her.

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><p>Martha hailed a cab for them while Kate sat inside the lobby. The building was only a few minutes to Kate's place but being pregnant, even without being on bed rest, meant the walk was too much. Once in the cab Kate rattled her old address off to the driver, not the address of the loft.<p>

"Katherine, what are you doing?" Martha asked in a panicked voice. She couldn't understand why Kate had told the driver her address.

"I'm going to my place." Kate replied while she searched for her keys in her handbag; anything to avoid looking at the red haired woman.

"I thought it was being rented out."

"It was, the last tenants moved out two weeks ago. I told the estate agents to remove the listing."

"Why though?"

"Why do you think?" Kate asked as she turned to look at Martha. "I saw this coming. I can't be on bed rest at the loft; it won't do anything for my blood pressure." Kate explained, she needed peace and quiet. At least at her place she would get quiet and a bit of peace.

"But you'll be on your own." Martha stressed as if it wasn't apparent. She wanted Kate to be at the loft surrounded by people, people that cared about her.

"I'll ring if I need help." Although if she did need any help it probably would be wise to call the emergency medical services or Lanie rather than Martha, no offense but it would be more likely a medical issue.

"Katherine-"

"I'm not going to leave my baby without a mother as well as a father." It may have been wrong, Rick may have taken care of their son if anything happened to her but she wanted to be there for her son. No child should have to grow up without a parent.

"Katherine, please." Martha beseeched, she really didn't want Kate to be on her own at her place.

"Martha, I don't think I can do this anymore." Kate said as the cabbed pulled up, her voice breaking and tears beginning to fall. "Please don't follow me." Kate got out of the cab, bags in hand and closed the door forcefully ensuring Martha stayed in the cab.

Martha was stunned, she knew Katherine had be down and losing hope but she didn't realise what a poor state mentally she was in. The last hour had been an eye opener. At least the doorman had come out to escort Kate into the building, taking her bags also. He was a good man, so was her son but what had been going on had to stop. _Now._

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><p>"Richard Castle, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Martha shouted as she walked into the loft, heading straight for her son's office.<p>

"What do you mean, mother?" Rick replied not even looking up from his computer.

"Katherine. Cancelling appointments then not telling her, not attending another one of the scans not even asking how it went or how she is." Martha continued in a raised voice, still furious at her son.

"She's fine. I'll ask her when she gets home. For the appointment, I didn't feel like going. I didn't think she'd be there so didn't tell her." Rick finally looked up at his mother but his tone made him sound as if he didn't care or had more important things to concern him.

"Home? She's not coming home. And as for how she is, she's been put on bed rest and is at risk of pre-eclampsia."

"What?" Finally, a reaction.

"Richard, I don't know what is wrong with you anymore. I see every day a bit more of hope die inside of Katherine. She's gone back to her old place because she didn't want to be on bed rest here. She said it would only make things worse."

"But this is her home."

"After the way you treat her? I know you've been through a lot but, darling, you can't say things to her the way you do. The truth is that she's been where you are." Rick looks on in shock. "Yep, she was kidnapped too. I promised not to tell you but frankly this is breaking point. If you want to save your relationship with her then I suggest you go over there right now, apologise and actually try because if you don't then she won't live here for a while, if ever, again."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Yes it is." She answered thankful that he had at least listened to her. Rick stood quickly to collect his coat and left the loft promptly.

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><p>I've written nearly all of the story but wanted to get the first chapter up before the premiere aired.<p>

If you've got something nice to say then I would like to hear it :)

Thanks for reading.


	2. Care

Thanks for the follows, favs and reviews.

So there's a bit in here that Martha referred to in the previous chapter, someone asked me to put it in, however, the story would probably make sense without it.

I hoped that I would have seen 7x01 by now but it is still not on UK iTunes, don't know why. I was trying to avoid FF until I'd seen it but I can see now having to wait until next March or whenever it airs on TV here. Anyway here's chapter two.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Care<strong>

Twenty minutes later an out of breath Castle knocked on the door to Beckett's apartment, he heard her approach the door and presumably look through the peep hole. "Kate I know you're there, open the door." Clearly not as light on her feet as she used to be, either that or a floorboard had become creaky, she unlocked and opened the door and to Rick's dismay he saw the tear tracks down her face, tissue in her hand. He now understood his mother's concern and eagerness for him to come over immediately. "I'm sorry."

Silence fell for a moment while Kate took in the sight of him. "What are you doing here, Castle?" He noted the use of his surname rather than his first. Over the course of their relationship Rick had become more frequent than 'Castle' appearing usually only at the precinct or if she was angry with him.

"I want my fiancée back." Part of her wanted to shut the door but she still remained with most of her body hidden behind it.

"Really?"

"I want to be involved in my child's life."

"I'd never keep you from him."

"I want to be there, for him and for you."

"How do I know that you aren't just saying this today and it will be back to normal tomorrow?" Back to the arguments, the ignoring one another and awkwardness; at least in her apartment there wouldn't be any of that here. She'd be on her own.

"Because you have to believe me, I want to be there when you're in labour, give birth, for the feeds at three in the morning; all of it."

"I can't deal with empty promises, Castle. You can shout at me but I'm not bringing our son into an atmosphere like that so until you show me otherwise I'm not going back to the loft."

"Kate, please." Rick begged.

"I'm meant to be on bed rest, Castle. I'll be there for your next appointment." She tries to shut the door but he blocks it with his foot.

"Why didn't you tell me about your kidnapping?"

"Because I didn't want to, you wouldn't listen to me anyway so me telling you about mine and how I recovered would have only added fuel to a fire." Kate said, purposefully not looking at him.

"Tell me now." Rick urged. "I'm listening."

"Fine." Kate opens the door to let him in. She walks slowly over to the sofa, sitting down gradually. He follows shutting the door behind him. "December 2006. Fifteen agonising days. It was two days before someone even noticed I was gone. Tortured, beaten and raped. You name it, they did it. We closed a case, at least we thought we had, but then the gang took me. I spent a week in hospital before contracting MRSA. Six days on life support. Six weeks of gruelling rehabilitation, six months of therapy before I could function like a normal person. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Why didn't you tell me before, I thought we had no secrets." He questioned, while it was not a pleasant conversation it needed to happen.

"It's not exactly something I wanted to bring up, I didn't want you to treat me any differently or look at me as if I was damaged more than you already thought. I still have nightmares about it."

"How did you do it? Get back to normalcy?" He asked, eager to hear how she did it. He'd seen her after her abduction in the undercover case last spring but she seemed to bounce back well.

"Worked hard at getting better, attending _every_ therapy and doctors' appointments and listened to my friends. Became somewhat robot like at times, did what I needed to do to get through the day." She answered with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I had no idea."

"I didn't want anyone else to know,"

"It shows your strength and determination."

"Yeah well there's only so much of that a person has."

"I'm sorry."

"Wasn't your fault, you didn't know who I was."

"I also meant for the way I treated you-"

"If you had known that it happened to me too then you would have treated me differently? That being shot having to deal with PTSD that nearly destroyed me then being beaten and drowned by Vulcan Simmons wasn't enough on its own for me to understand what it is like. Gee thanks." She responded sarcastically mistakenly under the illusion that his sympathy and sorrow were only coming from hearing about her first kidnapping. In that moment she hated Martha for telling him.

"No, I'm sorry for all of it. What I've said and done or not done. Right now we should have been married and both looking forward to the arrival of our son, not fighting."

"Well I'm just dealing with it the best way I can."

"You've done an exceptional job; I couldn't have done it if this were the other way around. Never mind having to hold down a job and be a human incubator."

"Well I'm not sure I'm going to have a job much longer so don't be too impressed."

"Kate, they can't-"

"Not yet but I'm now on sick leave, I'll soon be on maternity leave which I know I won't be able to afford to take twelve weeks off-"

"Kate, why wouldn't you?"

"I can't keep up the mortgage and pay for food for me as well as everything required for the baby." She'd never ask him for money, not because she was too proud but it wouldn't feel right at the moment or ever. Sometimes he acted as if the child and pregnancy didn't exist. If she had been working properly then money wouldn't have been a problem. Her income had nearly halved due to the lack of hours that she had put in. Damn America and not having Maternity Leave payments.

"Don't be so stupid." He countered; he had money, lots of money.

"I'm not stupid, Castle. I can't be at the loft with our relationship the way it is. What if you get tired or sick of being woken up by him then take it out on him? I'm an adult, I can take the shouting and the insults but what if you hurt him? Or shake him, it isn't hard but if my child died or was hurt because I put him in a risky situation I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"I wouldn't ever..."

"The old Richard Castle wouldn't but this new one I don't know." Kate cut him off before he had time to fully respond.

"I'm still the same person you fell in love with."

"I hoped so but every day when I don't get a hug from you or so much as a thank you for making you your breakfast, lunch and dinner I'm reminded that it isn't. The man who was my fiancée would never shout and bellow at me when he could see the tears falling down my face. He would get up with me at night when the baby keeps me awake and he'd be there at every appointment regardless of whether he was in a relationship with me. He would tell me if he cancelled an appointment so I didn't turn up only to be told by the receptionist.

"The Richard Castle that was my fiancé would tell me that he loves me and can't wait for the baby to arrive. He would have had the nursery and everything ready before the sixth month but the Richard Castle that's in front of me hasn't done _ANY_ of that.

"Most of all he sure as hell wouldn't tell me that bringing a child into _our_ world, where kidnappers like yours were still free, is wrong." Kate was starting to lose it, everything she had listed was making her state of mind worse. She could feel the tears brimming in her eyes once more. She could never hate him, he'd given her so much but right now she didn't need this.

"I'm so sorry; I never intended to make you feel that way. I don't know what I was thinking when I said bringing a baby into our world was wrong, the timing for our first child could have been better but I would _never_ reject a child; PTSD or no PTSD." Rick was beginning to wonder what exactly had he become? His mother and Kate saw this day in day out and managed to put up with it. Until now.

"I'm on bed rest until further notice because of my blood pressure and risk of numerous other things. The doctor said I needed a break to look after me and the baby, so that's what I'm doing." She gasped in pain, quickly putting both hands on her back and pressing down hoping to relieve pressure.

"Kate? What is it? Is it the baby?" Rick asked.

She didn't respond at first, making him more nervous, she waited until it was over to reply.

"Ow, God that hurts." She mumbles to herself.

"I'll call an ambulance." He said as he dug in his pocket to retrieve his phone.

"No, Castle, it's just Braxton Hicks. They're like practice contractions."

"I didn't know you'd been having them."

"Well now you do." How could a man not notice a woman stopping for a minute after gasping in pain? Oh right, an ignorant one.

"What can I do?"

"Go home, go back to the loft." She requested leaving the reason unsaid.

"Only, if you come with me."

"No. I don't want you to...just go home, Castle. I told Martha that I'd ring if I needed anything."

"We go together or I'm staying here." He said making a stance.

"Fine, do as you please. I'm going to bed."

"Let me help you." Rick said as he came to stand in front of her.

"No, I'm fine." She wasn't but didn't want him to know that, she needed to lower her blood pressure and this was only raising it.

"How am I going to get you to believe me if you don't let me do things?"

"Fine, just pull me up." She finally accepted it may have been a while before she got up by herself. She was remembering how hard it was.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"I mean it, Kate. I'm staying; I'm going to be here from now on. "

Kate just nodded until she got to the doorway of the bedroom. "Thank you, Castle. Even if you don't stay; thank you for giving me a little bit of hope to hold on to." She meant it, earlier after his reaction this morning and then how he cancelled his appointment and didn't turn up to hers she was beginning to think all hope was gone and it was over.

Rick looked on as Kate disappeared into her room, he was disappointed that she hadn't come home to the loft with him but could understand her scepticism if what his mother and Kate told him about his behaviour was true.

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><p>Thank you for reading :)<p>

There's still angst to come.

If you haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

It is really depressing to receive hateful reviews when writers have put time and effort into writing stories, if you don't like it you don't have to read it. Don't put writers off writing, just because you might not enjoy a story doesn't mean that everyone does. I'd rather have no reviews then 1 hateful one. Constructive criticism is one thing but a review like "Stop writing this NOW. It is awful." is not nice and unnecessary.


	3. Stay

Thank you for follows, favourites and nice reviews for this and the kind messages of support :) I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Stay<strong>

While Kate slept he was proactive. He rang his mother to see how much Kate had done with regards to preparing for the arrival of their child. She had made a good start with all the basics but he got on with sorting the rest; even ordering more of the basics which would be delivered to her place. He hoped that they wouldn't ever be used here but he was trying to show his support whatever it may be. He ordered her groceries online, finding all the foods that would help with her blood pressure and help her body. He ordered more maternity clothing, especially loungewear and pyjamas. He cleaned her place as well as restocking the essentials so that it was more like a home. He had everything delivered because he did want to leave her place in case she woke up to find him gone. As dinner time approached he started making her the most nutritious and filling dinner he could find with what he had at his disposal.

Kate woke up to the smell of freshly cooked veg, chicken and something she couldn't quite determine. Not wanting to get out of bed immediately she waited to wake up properly. A few minutes later she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Kate, I need you to wake up."

"M'wake." She mumbled in response.

"Okay, I just wanted to let you know that dinner is ready. Do you want me to put it on a tray to bring in here or are you happy to eat out there?"

"Less chance of me and the bed wearing the dinner if I eat out there." Trays don't balance on bumps and placing the tray on her knees wouldn't end well either.

"Okay, let me get your slippers then I'll help you up." Usually Kate would argue but being pregnant and tired she knew better. If someone if offering help then let them.

"Good, dressing gown too please."

"Yes, dear." He hadn't meant to say that so soon, just in case it made her uncomfortable but she seemed to have missed it or chose not to acknowledge it. They linked arms to walk through to the kitchen but what Kate saw astounded her. A fully prepared meal with sides and by the look of the bowls and fruit lined up, dessert too.

"Castle, what is all this? What did you do?"

"Things that I should have done before now, things I should do without having to think twice about it. Things to make amends, things to fix us."

"Castle-"

"I thought I was dealing with the PTSD when in fact I was only making it worse. If I had listened more to you then I bet that I would be doing an awful lot better. I wasn't injured badly but so often when I close my eyes, I'm back there. I don't know why I've treated you or anyone like I have. It is as if I've become a different person."

"Castle-" He cut her off again, he needed to say what he'd been thinking while she was asleep.

"What I've done has been completely unacceptable; I'm ashamed to have done such things and to have treated you so poorly. When my mother came home and told me that you weren't coming home and that you had been put on bed rest…maybe it is the snap back in reality I need. I embarrassed that it took you not coming home for me to realise what a jerk I have been. I've been selfish and I now realise that it is just about me anymore. I don't expect you to forgive me for what I've done but this is me proving to you that I'm in this and I will be there for you and our child from this day until the day I die."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, just let me continue to help you."

"Okay, can we eat though? I'm starving."

"Of course." Rick answered. He helped Kate to sit down at the table before sitting opposite her.

Once she had started eating he gathered up the courage to ask her about their son. "Can you tell me everything about the baby? I'm listening now and I want to know as much as you do."

"Okay, for starters he's a hell of a kicker. My bladder is his trampoline." At least when he's woken up by the sound of the toilet flushing he'll know why.

"No wonder I hear the toilet flush so frequently."

"Yeah, anyway he loves hand to hand or foot to hand."

"Can you show me? I know before-" He asked excitedly before realising that she had once offered but didn't take her up on it. He really had been distant.

"Later, he's asleep now. I'd like him to stay that way."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just meant-"

"Don't be sorry, I want you to experience this too just when he's awake." Kate replies, smiling, glad that he's taken an interest in their son.

After half an hour of talking all things baby Kate began to yawn. Their conversation had been free flowing just like any normal couple would and what they used to be like.  
>"C'mon, Kate, let's get you to bed." He insisted.<p>

"Okay." He helped her to her feet once more, leading her to the bedroom.

"You want to change?"

"Nah, good like this." She replied, too exhausted to change, loungewear was comfy enough to sleep in.

"Anything you need?"

"Can you get a glass of water for me please?" She asked as she shook her slippers off and laid down on the bed.

"Of course."

"Thank you." She said as he placed the glass down. "Are you staying?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll just put the sofa bed up."

"Meant in here. Bed."

"You want me to stay in the bed? With you?"

"Hmm, yep. Want you close." He was doing a dance inside, so grateful that she was letting him in.

"Anything you want."

"Thank you. Bed is warmer."

"I'm glad to be a heat source." He replied, slightly confused.

"Maybe daddy will be able to calm baby down when he wakes his mother up."

Still squealing inside at what was happening, they had a chance and that's all he needed.

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><p>Kate was delighted when she woke up to find Rick still there, asleep behind her. She wasn't pleased that she had been woken up by her need to use the toilet or her building hunger. She waddled to the bathroom to relieve herself then onto the kitchen to relieve her hunger.<p>

Rick was awakened by the closing and opening of cabinet doors as well as the kettle boiling. He walked through to the kitchen to see Kate staring into a cupboard.  
>"Hey." She greeted.<p>

"What's got you up?" Rick asked.

"Pregnancy."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Full but now empty bladder and empty stomach."

"Can I make you anything?"

"I'd say yes if I knew what I wanted."

"That's fair. Want me to make your tea?" He said as he moved towards the kettle.

"Please?"

"What about if I made you an omelette?"

"With what in it?"

"Anything you feel like; ham, peppers..."

"That'll take ages. You're barely awake."

"I'm fine, I haven't slept so well in a long time. No nightmares just sweet dreams."

"Really? That's great." It was, he'd hadn't had undisturbed sleep since he was rescued but this time he had gone to sleep happy with dreams of his family.

"Yeah it is."

"What's got you up?"

"Pregnancy." He parroted, although he wasn't pregnant he was up because of Kate's pregnancy.

"Ha." Kate laughed at his answer.

"Omelette?" He offered once more. She contemplated it but nothing else seemed appealing.

"You really don't mind?"

"No, I want to."

"Great."

"How's the baby?"

"Awake" Kate's son places a swift kick to the lower left side of her abdomen. "And now he's, oww, kicking. Here, you want to feel?"

"For real?"

"For real." She takes his hand and places it on her abdomen at the site of his last kick. It's barely a couple of seconds before they feel their son kicking.

"Wow that's incredible and strong."

"You should feel it on my end."

"Does it hurt? I mean ever really, really hurt?" Rick questioned. He knew that babies kicked but had always wondered how much it actually hurt.

"Sometimes it does, apparently will be worse when he gets less room."

"I apologise on his behalf." Rick said as he went back to making her omelette.

"My dad said I was bad, something about long legs."

"Ah yes, those oh so fine long legs." Kate falls quiet at his comment with the realisation that he'll now see her naked body once again. Not the one with a flat stomach and toned limbs but the one with a baby growing inside which has caused weight gain and already scarred her body. "What did I say wrong?" Rick asked as he immediately noticed her changed demeanour.

"It's just me. Pregnancy is taking its toll. I've got stretch marks everywhere, ugly swelling in my feet and ankles. I'm afraid I'll never get anywhere near what I was. I'm afraid that you won't like the way I look and will leave me for the younger looking model." It was an odd statement, she was alluding to the fact that they were still together which in fact neither of them understood exactly what they were. They weren't exactly lovers but they hadn't broken off their engagement either.

"What? No, of course I wouldn't. Sure being pregnant will leave its mark but...wait here." He goes to fetch some cream that arrived in one of yesterday's deliveries. "I had this delivered, I didn't know if you had any but this got great reviews and...and I thought you might try it."

"You got this for me?" She asked as she took the bottle of cream he held out to her.

"Yep, I knew you had cream but-"

"It's okay, I know what you mean. I'll have a shower later then we can give it a try?"

"You sure you want me there?" He asked, given what she had just said he thought that she would have been more apprehensive towards him seeing her sans clothing.

"You're the one who got me pregnant and I'm losing all my dignity when I give birth. Most of it has gone already so being naked while you rub cream into my skin is the least of my worries right now."

"Do you know the plan for the birth yet?"

"If it were up to me it would be a natural delivery so no meds but if the problems continue I won't get a say in it." The talks with her doctor previously had made this clear but part of her still hoped that she'd be able to have her baby naturally.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't let me get stressed, help me take care of myself and…" She struggled with the last request, "don't leave me. Please." Her voice had broken, damn hormones that made her so vulnerable.

"Oh, Kate." Castle said as he came to hug her.

"I'm just scared." If there was a scale she would be off the scale.

"I know that you are, just stick with it okay? I'm here-"

"This isn't a fix it all, Rick. One night doesn't make up for more than four months you not wanting me or this baby and us fighting." Again with mood swings, within two minutes she had gone from normal to depressed back to normal then to aggressive.

"I know it doesn't, I didn't expect it to but there's no more of that. You've got lots of support, not least from my mother."

"She's been there for me. She's done this all before." Kate told him.

"I know that, now, and I'll never be able to thank her enough for it."

"Damn right." Kate said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Just let me-" Rick said as he wiped the other tears away.

"What other stuff did you buy?" She asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"Yeah okay, I got some other stuff too but this is what's here so far."

"What did you get?" Kate asked eager to know how far he had gotten.

"I got a bassinet, nappies, bottles, a blanket and some clothes. I hope that's okay."

"That's amazing."

"There's other stuff at the loft too but I didn't know where to put it yet."

"I had a list of all the stuff I needed to get and each day it seemed to get longer."

"It is daunting. I thought things like a pram or a cot we should do together. I'm sure Alexis' cot is still somewhere and perfectly good but you need to agree on it. Also if it is one or two."

"Yeah we do." She agreed quietly, looking at the table. Things like those do need to be done together, as for the quantity she didn't know if she would be here when her son was born. It all depended on what happened between them and when their son arrived.

"I'm not trying to buy you back because I know it won't work but we should have done this already so see it as catching up."

"I'm not coming back to the loft right away-"

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"I just need to know that this Rick is the one that's here for good not just the one that just wants me at the loft."

"I just ask that you let me continue to help you so I can prove that I'm done moping and messing about. You need me, my son needs me so it's time I got my act together and started trying."

"Oh trust me, if you keep making me food like this then you can do all the cooking you want."

"So I'm a bed warmer and a chef."

"It's a cold winter and baby gets hungry."

"Baby or Kate?"

"Baby makes his mother hungry." Kate told him as she neatly placed her cutlery on the plate pushing it away. Kate lets out a long yawn that has Rick smiling.

"You're tired again. Let's get you to bed." Rick said.

"Always am. You want to feel him kick again?" Kate asked as she started walking back to the bedroom.

"He's still at it?" Rick asked as Kate laid down on the bed then he joined her.

"Yep."

"If you think it will work?"

"Worth a shot." They lay in bed under the covers with Rick behind Kate, he put his arm around her with his hand on the underside of her belly where their son was making his presence known.

"What if I sing?"

"Try it." As Rick sings the baby's movements lessen and be eventually realises that the lullaby has sent Kate to sleep too. He lays there for a while thinking of what he had nearly lost and what is still to come.

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><p>Thanks for reading.<p> 


	4. Promise

Thank you for the favs, follows and reviews :) Everything apart from the final chapter was written before the premiere aired so there are no spoilers.

Today has been rough but here is the next installment.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Promise<strong>

At eleven Kate woke up to the smell of another meal this time there was definitely bacon. She goes to the kitchen to see Rick serving the bacon, sausage, baked beans, mushrooms and scrambled egg. She would love to get use to this, however, still wary that he could just turn back to the Richard Castle that she had been dealing with since he was rescued. For now though she put it out of her mind deciding to go eat.

"Good morning."

"Good morning to you too, I see you've been cooking again." Kate greets walking up to the counter.

"Yes I have, I thought that you might like a full cooked breakfast. There's some fruit prepared for after along with the fruit juice on the table."

"Wow, you've got this sorted."

"I'm glad that you like it. Now my lady, take your seat at the table." Kate does as requested walking to the table, Rick following with plates in hand. "Here you go, enjoy." He said as he placed the plate in front of her.

"This looks incredible, I can't remember the last time that I had a breakfast this big. It is certainly a nice change."

"So you're still hungry?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well then eat up."

All parts of this meal are great for Kate, food tastes better when someone else has cooked it. She's savouring the taste of each bite swearing that a full cooked breakfast like this has never tasted as good.

"Castle, thank you. This is the nicest breakfast I've had in a long time. Everything was just perfect."

"It is fine, Kate. It shouldn't have been this long since I did this for you." She bows her head avoiding his look because he should have. He places his cutlery on his plate having eaten everything on his plate. "So what are your plans for today?"

"Well, erm, eating that fruit that you've cut up was pretty high on my agenda."

"Ah, yes of course." He says going to get it. "Would you like some yoghurt too?"

"Yes please."

"What flavour? There's vanilla, coconut, natural and strawberry."

"Oo, I'd like strawberry." He picks up the strawberry yoghurt with both bowls containing their fruit. "No, wait, coconut." Castle returns to swap the strawberry for the coconut. "Wait. Could I have both?"

"Only if you promise to not change your mind between me leaving here and me getting to the table."

"I'd like strawberry and coconut please. That's final."

"Right." Castle walks quickly to the table which makes Kate laugh. "What?" He asks not understanding why she's laughing.

"It is just you were running as if you were scared I'd change my mind again."

"Those bowls were going to slip out of my hand soon and I don't feel like cleaning that up."

"It would be a terrible waste of food." She says as she places the yoghurt on her fruit.

"There's more you know."

"I'll want that later." She defends before taking her first spoonful.

"Yes, of course." Rick observes Kate as she eats, quickly as it happens; deciding that he had better catch up before she realises that he's been staring at her.

Once he's finished eating he repeats his earlier question. "What are your plans for today?"

"Well they're limited, I think bed rest just means I can't go running about all over the city."

"It would get very boring if you had to be chained to your bed."

"Indeed it would. I didn't have any plans apart from reading and watching DVDs or TV."

"Anything that you had in mind?"

"Yeah, whatever is on top of the pile." Mindful that she wouldn't be bending down to get anything.

"How about you choose _whatever_ you want to watch, I'll search for it, download it or if it is a book read to you." To which she laughed, they hadn't read a Nikki Heat book or any book rather together in a long time. "I'm serious, pick whatever you want to watch."

"I haven't got much stuff here so I'll need my laptop to see what is on there and then set it up."

"I'll do it, let's first get you seated on the sofa." He says standing up so he can pull her up as well.

"Okay." She gladly accepts his assistance in standing. They walk arm in arm over to the sofa where Kate sits down gently and Castle lays a blanket over her legs.

Castle gets her laptop, connects it quickly to the TV then passes her the wireless mouse so that she can control it.

"I'm just going to go wash the dishes." He starts to walk to the kitchen when Kate speaks.

"Castle, thank you. Could you also bring some drinks, please?"

"Yeah, hot or cold?"

"Could I have some tea and some cold water please?"

"As you wish." He replies turning to go do his kitchen duties.

When he returns he places the tray carrying their drinks on the coffee table before going to get a side table which is higher so that she can easily reach her drinks. He places the table beside her and moves the tray to it as well.

When he looks up he is met with her gaze and a smile. "What?"

"You cleaned the dishes, brought me drinks and then found a higher table to that I don't have to struggle to get them from the coffee table."

"It makes your life easier and I don't mind. It's a bit stupid that coffee tables are so low down anyway."

"Definitely, I should have never bought such a low down one."

"No." He replied as he sat down bringing another blanket with him. He realises when he looks to the TV that she paused it waiting for him. "You were waiting for me?"

"I presumed that you'd be watching it as well. I wouldn't want you to have to miss the first few minutes."

"Thank you."

"Besides, you've got to watch all of the episode anyway. It doesn't make sense if you miss the first bit."

"What are we watching?"

"Nebula 9." Kate said with a big smile knowing how much Rick still thought that it was poor television.

"Kaaaatttttteeeee, why?" Rick moaned.

"You said we could watch anything I wanted."

"Fine, just get started already."

"Good, there's twelve episodes to watch."

"We're watching _all_ of them?"

"Not in one go." Phew he thought. "We'll need food in the middle and I'll need the toilet in about half an hour." Nope, he was going to have to endure the wrath of Nebula 9.

"Oh dear…press play then." He instructed.

"Okay."

Part way through the episode Kate pauses the episode to ask him a question that the Richard Castle who is with her now should answer honestly.

"Castle, why did you act like you did? You shut everyone out and became a different person."

"I was struggling, I kept thinking back to being held. There are some memories but the worst ones that I tried to block out. Each time they came back it got worse, I didn't want anyone to know what they did."

"Castle, you know what I've been through. Even before you knew about the...I've been drowned, shot and beaten that's just since I've known you. Surely you must realise that I knew what it felt like."

"I'm meant to be a strong man, someone who felt like they were invincible and could talk their way out of anything. I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want anyone to see me a weak."

"Castle, nobody saw you as weak. People know that you went through a traumatic even and nobody expected you to come out of the other side unscathed. You know how Espo and I have had PTSD, he was shot and so was I. Being a cop doesn't make you immune to these things. We're people. If you would have just accepted help from anyone it would have been better."

"I know that I got it wrong, I shouldn't have skipped on appointments." Rick admitted.

"No, you shouldn't have. They help, Castle. They help. Why did you cancel the appointment yesterday? Was what I said not enough?"

"No, I just was writing and I felt fine."

"Castle, just because you feel fine in a moment doesn't mean that you're healed. It just means that the PTSD demons are having a day off."

"I didn't want to go. I hated feeling weak."

"Why didn't you tell me that you'd cancelled it anyway?" Kate asked as she wanted to really know why he didn't tell her.

"I didn't think that you would turn up."

"Why, because we had _another_ argument in the morning?" Kate was angry at his answer, after all that they had been through and how she had stood by him all the time for him not to still believe that she wouldn't turn up was an insult.

"Look, I don't know what part of me decided not to tell you but I thought…I thought a few things but none of them make sense now or excuse what I did. Nothing excuses the way I have been treating you and everyone else the way I have. You were able to cope on the outside after you were shot and I only noticed it when we dealing with the sniper case but I'm guessing it happened a hell of a lot more."

"You have no idea of what I went through in the cabin, every time a door slammed shut or something went bang I was back there in the cemetery. Shots would ring out in my head, it was my own personal hell that I couldn't escape from. The therapy helped, I went because I wanted to live a life not controlled by fear, one that I could spend with you so I was making myself better for you."

"I can't turn back the clock to undo all the wrong that I've done but I promise you that I'm here. I will go to every therapy session, I will talk to you when I need help so as to not shut myself off. I'd handcuff myself to you if you wanted but I think that would be a bit awkward."

"Yeah, don't you remember the tiger?" Kate joked.

"I will _never_ forget the tiger."

"Me either." She smiled to at the memory, it was a memorably and funny one. In hindsight at least, when they were trapped with a tiger it wasn't so funny.

"I'm serious, Kate."

"Castle, I don't want you to promise me something today for you to only break it in a few days. I can't deal with it, it is just too much." Kate warned him.

"Wait here."

"I'm not exactly going anywhere fast."

"Point taken." Castle returns with a notepad and pen.

"What are you doing?"

"I am making a written statement or promise rather that I will give to you." He writes quickly yet neatly on the paper then passes it to Kate when he's finished.

_I, Richard Edgar Castle promise Katherine Houghton Beckett and our son that I will do everything in my power to make you happy, love you and take care of you. If I ever get scared or feel like I'm falling down the proverbial rabbit hole again then I shall seek your counsel or that of a psychiatrist. Further I shall attend all of my appointments and if I genuinely can't attend then I shall reschedule and inform you of this. I will also attend all of your appointments and birthing classes. I promise to focus on you both and try to repair the relationships that I have with our close family and friends._

_I promise that when the day arrives, I will place the wedding band on your ring finger and finally make it our always. I'll clean your dress or have a professional do it (might be a better idea), so that it is restored to its original condition. If you don't want to wear it then I shall buy you the most extravagant dress that you desire. _

_I promise to be the man that you fell in love with, the one you were marrying, the father to Alexis and our children that you want, the son that my mother deserves to have and the friend that everybody knew me as. I have changed as a result of what happened but it won't let it define me. You made me a better person so I'm going to be that man again._

_I will fight for us and our family as long as I can._

_This is me regaining control over my life._

_I love you, Katherine Houghton Beckett and I love the child that we've created. You, our son, Alexis and my mother are the most important people in my life and I will never forget that._

_Always,_

_Richard Edgar Alexander Rogers Castle._

By the time Kate had finished reading Rick's letter/statement she had tears in her eyes and her voice had softened.

"Rick"

"It is the truth, I love you and I'm not leaving you. You're not getting rid of me."

Kate, still holding the piece of paper in her hand, puts both arms around his neck bringing him to her so she can hug him. It may be an awkward position but she needs this, needs to feel close to him. The tears that were gathering in her eyes were now falling as she started crying. She could feel his shirt getting wet but couldn't stop. It was many months of pain released in one.

Rick moved so that the position was less awkward for her, he wrapped his arms around her so holding her as she cried. Tears gathered in his own eyes, he kissed the top of her head.

They sat like that until both stopped crying. "You were gone for two months, I kept going hoping that you'd come back and then when you were it wasn't the Richard Castle that I knew. All these months have been so hard, I know the hormones and the pregnancy haven't helped, at times I didn't if I'd make it through. You were never there, physically maybe but not really. When you cancelled yesterday I believed that all hope was gone, you didn't want help and we were over. I don't know what's going to happen but the baby, I can't let anything happen to him. He's my focus now."

"I wouldn't expect otherwise it's about you and the baby from now on. We'll do everything to keep the both of you healthy."

"It's all we can do. I'm scared, nothing I read reassures me only making me more nervous."

"You know that if I could do anything about it then I would do."

"Hmm, it is just waiting." Kate told him, she hated waiting and feeling useless.

"Do you want anything?" Rick asked hoping that he could make her feel just a little bit better.

"No, just this." Kate said as she burrowed into his side seeking his comfort and warmth. It felt more like old times when they would snuggle together in bed or on the sofa. It was hard for them but both felt as if they were getting somewhere.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading.<p>

They're getting somewhere now but the angst isn't over. There's a happy ending though.


	5. Early

All the medical stuff in this story is done by research and a tiny bit of knowledge so sorry if it isn't accurate. Thanks for the follows favs and nice reviews.

Someone said that Kate was hypocritical in the last chapter, in some ways she was but in my mind they have settled what has happened in the past in the course of their relationship.

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Early<strong>

It was the second full day that Castle had been there when for the fifth time in less than forty five minutes Kate had felt what she initially thought to be more Braxton Hicks contractions but was beginning to think they were real as she was experiencing increasing pressure in her abdomen. After brief consideration it was time that she sought medical advice.

"Castle, can you get me my phone please?"

"Sure," He replied as he brought her the phone, sitting down next to her "Why do you need it?"

Kate unlocked her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found her doctor then tapped 'call' "I need advice, I think-" Kate paused as the phone was answered. "Hi, yes, it is Kate Beckett. I think that I might be in preterm labour." She felt bad for not telling him before especially the look on his face when she was told the nurse who had answered the call. Kate told the symptoms to the nurse while Rick only looked on.

Rick was the first to speak when she hung up. "What did she say?"

"Go to the hospital to get checked and see where we go from there."

"Why didn't you tell me, Kate?" Rick asked with a voice laden with worry and concern.

"At first I didn't think it was more than Braxton Hicks until I had two more and I didn't want to worry you if it wasn't."

"Kate, tell me everything, please for your sake and for the sake of the baby."

"Okay, will you go grab the bag? I hope we don't need it but better to be prepared." Kate asked referring to the bag they had prepared should she go into labour.

"Sure, I'll call the car."

"Thanks."

* * *

><p>An hour later Kate had been told that she was in preterm labour but they were going to administer Magnesium Sulphate to try to postpone the labour giving a chance for her son a greater chance.<p>

She had been warned of the side effects of the drugs nonetheless agreed anyway, hours of discomfort for her would be nothing compared to anything that might happen to her son.

Rick hadn't left her side since they had arrived at the hospital something that she was eternally grateful. He'd seen her at her worst; he'd been there for the past two days just like old times. She believed that he was back. She hadn't thought as far as to what she was going to do once she was discharged.

When she cried she wasn't embarrassed, he just held her. When she was sick, he held the basin for her. Four hours since the Magnesium Sulphate was first administered and she was wondering why it had to be so hard. She doesn't even remember feeling this bad when she had been shot.

Kate had told Rick to keep their family and friends away not wanting to have anyone see her in her current state. She slept a lot because of the lack of energy but she hoped that it would all be worthwhile. Only their family actually knew that Kate was in hospital and why; Martha, Alexis and Jim were all alert should anything else happen and sent their best wishes and offer of support.

As each hour passed that Kate seem to show more symptoms Rick became more concerned even when the medical staff told him that it was normal. He would do anything to get Kate out of the current situation but there wasn't a better alternative. It was the lesser of evils. If Alexis was going to do any medical research into drugs at any point in her life then he would give her a suggestion given Kate's current predicament.

On more than one occasion Kate had told him to stop staring at her because it was still creepy and now annoying. She hated it when people looked at her, not just in her current state but for as long as she could remember. It made her self-conscious always thinking that there was something wrong.

* * *

><p>It was nearly thirty six hours since they arrived at the hospital, Kate had been half asleep since the nurse last came to take her blood pressure and pulse. Rick's attention was brought when the monitors strapped to Kate suddenly beeped more frequently.<p>

"Kate, Kate, answer me please?" When he didn't get an immediate response he hit the call button for a nurse.

"Cassle," Kate said, her voice wavering and strained like each word was painful "look after him. Tell him about me, about the good times. Tell him I loved him."

"No, Kate don't-" He paused as the beeping increased. "HELP."

"I wrote him letters. They're…" Kate tried as her speech slurred, "in the box, at home."

"HELP, somebody." Rick shouted louder than before. "C'mon, Kate" He said as he saw her eyes closing "tell me about the letters." He just wanted to keep her talking.

"I love you, Cassle." Kate replied quietly before she lost consciousness; the monitors now sounding even louder. Fortunately a nurse and a doctor came running through the doors.

They read the monitors and reacted immediately. He couldn't understand what they were saying, everything was happening so fast. He could just see Kate lying there unresponsive.

He heard them call for porters then the doctor spoke to him,

"We're going to have to take her to surgery."

"What about the baby?" Rick asked.

"The drugs have had enough time to work so hopefully he'll be okay. We're going to have to deliver him."

"What about Kate?"

"We'll do our best, Sir." While the doctor was trying to be reassuring and not make any promises that she couldn't keep, it didn't do anything for Rick. He followed as they wheeled Kate off to the operating theatres until they reached the staff only area. He sat on one of the chairs placed opposite the doors, head in hands with tears filling his eyes.

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><p>Thank you for reading.<p>

Sorry if the medical stuff isn't 100% right. I'm a first aider and Maths student


	6. Life

I'd never kill Kate. Thanks for the reviews, favs and follows.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: Life<strong>

He sat there for what seemed like hours never letting go of her necklace that held her engagement ring. No small amount of tears had been shed in the time that had passed. He couldn't get out of his mind the image of Kate lying there, just before she lost consciousness, telling him to tell their son about her and then that she loved him. She talked as if she felt she was going to die. He couldn't lose her, he just couldn't. They couldn't lose their son either. He couldn't lose both of them that would break him. How had everything gone so wrong in the past seven months?

He had been sat there for what was only two hours which felt like many more, when Kate's doctor appeared still wearing scrubs. She crouched down in front of him with a face that showed concern.

"Mister Castle, we've operated on Miss Beckett and we've delivered her son. He's doing well and has been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit which is normal as he's premature."

"What about Kate?" He said wiping the tears that remained from his face.

"She made it through, lost a lot of blood. How much do you know about pre-eclampsia?"

"Not a lot."

"Kate experienced an eclampsia seizure" Rick took a sharp intake of breath shocked at what he had been told. "I believe that she had endured no long lasting damage but only time will tell. She's being transferred to recovery where we can monitor her. I can take you to see your son if you like?"

"Please." Rick felt so helpless, he just wanted to go back to their happiness; their bubble where everything felt normal.

When he first saw his son in the incubator tears filled his eyes once more. The doctor left him once more saying that a nurse would be in soon, only nodding in response. He wanted so much to hold his son but knew he would have to wait for it. Most importantly he was alive, breathing on his own and responsive.

He once again ran his hand over the side of the box when a nurse came to stand beside him.

"Do you have a name for him, sir?"

"Erm, yes, James Houghton Castle."

"Thank you."

"Excuse me, when can I see Kate?"

"I'll find out for you."

"Thank you." Rick told the nurse, he was torn between Kate and his son. Neither would know he was there but he just wanted to do something. He ran his hand down the side of the incubator again as if it would do something. "Hello, baby. I'm sorry that your entrance into this world was so dramatic. I know your mother was trying her best. I don't know if I made it worse because of-" Rick said before the nurse interrupted him.

"No, Mister Castle, while the causes aren't fully understood, however, we do believe it is likely to be genetic."

"Oh, I still feel guilty because of what…never mind you don't know about it. Is there any news on Kate?"

"She's still not awake but you'll be able to see her in about half an hour."

"Thank you?"

"Is there anyone that I can call for you, Sir?" The nurse kindly asked knowing that he was alone now Kate was in recovery.

"Please call me Rick. Yes, actually, could you call my mother? And tell her to tell Kate's father. They know that she was here but nothing more. Have you got a piece of paper and I'll write the number down?"

"Yes." The nurse replied as she got led him to the desk in the corner of the room.

"There's our home number and her mobile number."

"Thank you, I'll call her now and let you know."

"Thank you." Rick replied as the nurse turned to leave the room. He grabbed a chair and carried it to where his son was. He was beginning to tire standing and hospital chairs.

It was five minutes before the nurse returned to tell him that his mother and Jim were on their way. He was glad for some support even if it was someone to just sit there and watch them. This way Kate or their son would not be alone.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later the nurse reappeared, he was in his own world like he had been since she left. Thinking about Kate and their son, everything he had put her through and what was to come. He had to step up and be the Richard Castle that proposed to Kate, the father who did everything for his daughter and the son that Martha loved.<p>

"Excuse me, Rick." The nurse said but got no response, she put her hand on his shoulder which brought him back.

"Sorry"

"Don't worry; I just came to tell you that I can take you to see Miss Beckett. If you want to that is."

"Yes, please." He followed the nurse they walked in silence along the seemingly endless corridors.

When they arrived at the door he paused to ask the woman, "Can she hear me? Will she know that I'm there?"

"She should be awake soon. When she comes around she'll probably feel nauseous and be groggy. The doctor will come in to speak to her. For the meantime you can sit with her."

"Okay, thank you. Could you tell my mother where I am when she arrives, please? I know it is a lot-"

"No it is fine, be with your wife." He didn't bother to correct her, he just wanted to sit with Kate. He entered her room, pulling the chair as close as he could to the bed. He was just glad to hear her slow steady breaths with a normal background noise of the monitors. She was alive which is all that mattered, he held her hand in both of his so if she could feel she knew that he was there.

He talked to her hoping that she was listening, he was just rambling about all sorts of things. One sided conversations were hard. He didn't know how he had been talking before he heard her grunt.

"Kate, can you hear me, Kate?"

"Hmm."

"Let me get someone." He replied pressing for the call button.

Within a minute a nurse came running into the room. "She's coming around."

"Okay, just stand back, sir." He did as he was told allowing the nurse to do her job. It hurt him to see her like this, disorientated and horribly pale. "The doctor will be in shortly."

"Okay, thanks." He said to the nurse as she left. "Hey, Kate, I'd ask how you are but I know the answer." He came to stand by her holding her hand once again.

"Baby" Kate asked her voice strained.

"He's doing okay, he's up in NICU. He's beautiful, Kate, I can't wait for you to see him."

"Good. You?"

"I'm better now that you're awake."

"Hmm. W'happened?" Kate managed to ask.

"I'll let the doctor explain she should be here shortly."

"S'not good s'it?" She asked still struggling to form full words.

Fortunately the doctor walked in saving Rick an explanation that was hard and would be limited in actual facts.

"Miss Beckett, I'm glad to see that you're awake."

"Hmm, sleep." She wished that she could just rest as she still felt tired.

"Yes, I'll let you sleep soon. For now though I just want to check you over then explain what happened and what will happen."

"'Kay." Kate did everything the doctor asked no matter how much she didn't feel like it.

Listening to what the doctor was telling her about what happened was even harder, she felt as if she had failed already having been unable to carry her child to term. The only relief was that he seemed to be doing okay, the fact that he was breathing on his own was reassuring. He showed no sign of any long terms problems.

Once they were left alone Kate turned to Rick who once more sat on the chair as close to her as possible, "I'm sorry." She said as tears began to fall.

"No, no, no, it's not your fault."

"I know what the doctor said but if I hadn't been-"

"You can't think like this, if we're trying to blame someone then it probably should be me. I caused you all that stress by being an absolute arsehole but they said it is genetics. We need to concentrate on you getting better and looking after James." He hadn't intended to say their son's name until they had actually agreed on his name.

"You decided on James then?"

"When we were talking about it the other day we both liked it but if you don't then you can change it. The nurse asked me and I didn't want him just to be baby Beckett."

"No, no, I do. Did you decide on a middle name as well?"

"I said Houghton, I didn't know if you were going to make it and it just came to me. Again if you want to change it then I don't mind. It's not like it is official on his birth certificate."

"You wanted him to have my middle name as well." Kate questioned.

"I thought that…a lot of things and I just wanted it to have meaning."

"This is sounding like it all coming from the Beckett side." She said light heartedly.

"Well there's not a lot from my side, I don't know my father's family or him really, Alexander would be too close to Alexis and we agreed that nothing else Rodgers or Castle really worked. I didn't know if you wanted Beckett to be in his name or not, we didn't talk about that."

"You know that I'm not one for tradition but giving our child his father's surname is standard plus if we get married then…"

"If we get married?"

"I never said we wouldn't." She said running her thumb along his hand which was tightly encasing hers.

"No but I just thought-"

"One step at a time, Rick, one step."

"I know I'm not going anywhere."

"I'd hope that you would go down to see our son. I'm not going to be moving for a while."

"You know what I mean. Our parents should be here shortly."

"You called them?"

"Yes, well a nurse did because she asked if there was anyone and I-"

"Don't worry about it, Rick, it will be nice to see them."

"Did they tell you long that he would need to be in hospital for?"

"Not precisely but I do know that you'll be going home before he does." She let out a shaky breath before a yawn.

"M tired."

"Sleep, Kate, I'll be here when you wake up."

"Thank you." She replied moments before her eyes once again slipped closed. He felt such relief knowing that Kate would be okay and it was promising for their son. He was tired but couldn't fall asleep, he was there for Kate and just wanted to watch over her; to keep her safe.

* * *

><p>It was about twenty minutes before the new grandparents arrived, making their presence known by a gentle knock on the door.<p>

"Hello, Richard."

"Shh, she's asleep." He told his mother.

"Yes, just a few minutes."

"How's she doing?" Jim asked.

"Better, she's had a tough time of it but they're hopeful she'll make a full recovery." They didn't need to know, yet, everything that had happened to Kate. He still wouldn't be great at explaining it, knowing that his throat would clog up.

"That's excellent news, what about our grandson?"

"He's in NICU, breathing on his own and doing well considering."

"Shall we go see him? Let you be with Katherine."

"Please, the nurses are friendly. Just ask to speak to the nurse who called you, I think her name was-"

"Lynda." Martha cut in.

"Yes, she'll take you to James." That caught Jim's attention, amazed that his grandson shared his birth name even if everybody called him Jim nowadays.

"James?"

"James Houghton Castle." Rick replied smiling.

"Come, Jim, let's leave these two to rest." Kate's sleep was undisturbed as she snored softly.

Soon after Rick joined Kate in sleep, it had been incredibly tiring so he could no longer keep his eyes open.

Martha linked arms with Jim as they walked down to NICU. He didn't seem to mind so just continued, they were both relieved that Kate and James were okay since they were left with little knowledge when Martha had been called.

"What do you think is going to happen to those two?" Jim asked knowing that more had gone off in the past few days than he was privy to.

"They'll get there. When Katherine went to her old place after her appointment the other day I feared the worst. He's barely left her side since they came to the hospital and we both know that if she really wanted him gone then he wouldn't be here." Martha said, reassuring Jim.

"There's hope then?"

"Yes, there's more than hope." Martha replied with a smile knowing that the couple were now heading somewhere positive.

"Let's go see our grandson." Jim said, excited to see his first grandchild.

"Yes, Jim, we shall."

* * *

><p>So sorry if the med stuff isn't 100% right. I did do research but it is hard.<p>

There's a small time jump next time.

Thank you for reading.


	7. Decisions

Sorry for the wait, the dialogue had been written but the rest took a while. I meant to post this two weeks ago but my computer went a bit funny so was stuck with 'Together'. I hope that you read that as well, it is basically lots of family fluff.

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: Decisions<strong>

It had been two days since James was born, both mother and baby doing well. They had been told that it would likely be a couple of weeks at the earliest before they would be able to take James home. Something that had Rick's mind in overdrive, their son still had no place to sleep in the long term. He had hopes that Kate would return to the loft upon discharge from the hospital.

Kate had been down to see her son the day before demanding that she be taken to see her own son. The nurses eventually agreed so Rick found her a wheelchair and took her down being careful as he was aware of the pain she was still in. Upon first sight she cried, overwhelmed with emotion but glad to see that James was doing well. She put her hand on the incubator trying to get as close to him as possible longing for the day that she would be able to hold him in her arms.

Rick sat by her side the whole time watching the rise and fall of James' chest while keeping an eye on Kate who was still vulnerable. He could tell that she was tiring so took her back to her room without much fight. He was still exhausted having been at the hospital for more than three days and not having had more than two hours sleep at any time. People tried to persuade him to go home but nothing came of it.

Martha, Alexis, and Jim had all been back to the hospital to visit and to bring the couple some supplies. Their friends had been informed of James' birth and Kate's hospitalisation but no more.

"Hello once again my darlings." Martha announced as she walked into Kate's room.

"Hello, Mother and Jim" Rick replied.

"How're you doing?" Jim asked the new parents.

"We're okay, glad to know that James is doing well as indeed is Kate here; so much so that I'm getting the boot tonight." He was not impressed about that having tried anything to persuade the nurses but to no avail.

"How so?"

"Neither are in any immediate danger so looks like I'm going home." He said with a voice that made his disappointment known to anyone that would listen. His back hurt because all he had slept in was the chair next to Kate's bed and it wasn't the most comfy, however, he would much prefer being here than anywhere else.

"Oh darling, are you sure there's nothing you can do." Martha asked knowing that her son wanted to be here.

"I tried, apart from sneaking back in here there seems to be nothing."

"I'm fine, Martha. I can be on my own for one night."

"Are you sure, Katie, if it is just Rick that they want rid of then I'm happy to stay in his place." Jim said light heartedly. He hated the thought of Kate being on her own just as much as anyone else.

"Hey, I'm right here." Rick replied in defence.

"Really, Dad, I'm fine and they just want people gone after visiting hours are over." Kate paused for a moment, "actually, Martha and Rick, do you mind if I have a few minutes with my Dad?"

"Sure, we'll wait outside." Martha said dragging her son outside leaving the two Becketts alone.

"How are you holding up then?" Jim asked his daughter as he took the seat beside her bed. The seat nice and warm as Rick had been sat there a long time.

"I'm not bad considering, every day I get a bit more strength back which makes me feel better. How about you? It must have been scary not knowing." Kate said fiddling with the edge of the blanket avoiding the gaze of her father. She knew how he hated what happened after the shooting or anything where she would be in the smallest amount of danger.

"You give me new reasons all the time to be scared this time was worse though. I could have lost both my daughter and grandson."

"Dad, what do you think about Rick?" Kate asked, changing the subject. It was something that she had been wondering about for the past couple of days. What would happen when she was discharged, which the doctor had hinted wouldn't be far away.

"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand."

"Since the day I got put on bed rest he came round he's been like the old Rick, the one that I fell in love with we've barely been apart since. I want him to be that man again but what if he's only like this until we go home then he's back to the Rick that he has been for the past four months? Do you think he's back for good?" Raising her concerns to someone made it feel somewhat easier, the thought had been bugging her and soon she would have to make a decision to where she was going to live once discharged. This time there was more to think about than just herself.

"Katie, what that man has been through this week tests the bounds of anyone. If he couldn't handle it or didn't want to then he would have been out of here when you were taken to surgery. I can't promise you that he won't leave but my guess is that he wouldn't." Nobody knows what the future holds but Jim's perspective helped. He was sort of on the outside but knew what had been happening.

"You really think so?"

"Yes, Katie, I do." He told her, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb along her knuckles. He looked her in the eye the whole time. He had his daughter's best interests at heart and believed that Rick would take care of her in the right way. What has happened, has happened and Rick had clearly been trying to fix it.

"They've said that I can probably be discharged in a couple of days, I just don't know where home is going to be. Am I going back to the loft or my place?"

"I can't make that decision for you." Jim told her straight out, this had to be his daughter's decision not his. While they all wanted the best and had their opinions it was Kate's that mattered.

"I don't want to go to one place only to have to go to the other when I bring James home."

"Kate, he's going to be here at least another week of which I imagine you'll be back here each day sitting with him."

"I know, it is just…in an ideal world I would go back to the loft where everything would be ready, Rick and I would be the normal new parents who are continually tired but it isn't going to be like that."

"Why not?"

"Nothing is ready, okay not nothing but it isn't like it should be." Her voice quavering as the realisation hit her once more. Sure they had stuff but none of it was organised or sorted. It wasn't a place that a baby should be brought into.

"Katie, I will support you wherever you want to go. Whether that is to the loft, your old place or even my place I will be there with you. As I am sure that Rick would be." Jim said. He wanted her to go back to the loft, like everyone did. He wasn't going to let her be on her own and didn't like the thought of her trying to be superwoman, the summer after she was shot was hard enough. She tried to everything to soon which quite often resulted in further setbacks.

The two of them continued to talk moving on to other topics that weren't related to the current situation. Jim explained how his work had been going and of course how the baseball was fairing. He filled her in on all the gossip making sure that she was up to date.

Soon he could see his daughter tiring once more, Kate had been struggling to stay awake for more than a few hours at any one time so he decided to let her be promising to come back tomorrow. He gave he a quick kiss to the cheek and a slightly awkward hug before leaving her. He told her that he would send Rick back in to which she thanked him.

As Jim exited Kate's room he immediately saw Rick who was leaning against the door. Rick stood up straight as soon as he saw Jim. "Hey, Jim, could I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, what's up, lad?"

"It's about the baby." Jim's face fell as he feared the worst. "No, it is nothing bad. I just want him to have his own room and at the minute he hasn't got one. I hoped that you would be able to get some things for me. I don't intend to leave Kate until I have to, by which time most of the stores will be shut."

"What sort of things?" Jim asked, he had an idea but he wanted to know what Rick actually wanted.

"I want to do a nursery for him at the loft and I want to get started on it tonight."

"This is an awful lot to do in one night."

"When Kate gets discharged I want it to be ready for her to come home to. I don't know for sure if she's coming back to the loft yet but I hope so and even if she doesn't I want him to have a room. If I had acted like myself rather than whatever happened then this would have been done ages ago, Kate and I would have done the whole thing not paying a decorator to do it."

"I take it that you've got a list?"

"Yep, here it is." Castle said handing Jim the piece of paper. "There's another thing."

"Yes?"

"Would you be prepared to help me?" Rick asked somewhat nervously, he thought Jim would agree.

"Yes, I'd love that. Although I might need a nap at some point."

"Thank you." Rick gets his wallet out to give Jim some money. "I'm sorry this is all that I've got on me."

"Don't worry about it, let's get the nursery done. I just want my family to be happy." With that Rick went back to join the rapidly fading Kate and Jim left to go collect Martha who would accompany him for the first hour or so before leaving to attend classes at her studio. He could then get on and finish organising what would be needed for the task in hand. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>So the next chapter just needs a bit more editing because I swapped the end chapter a bit. Hopefully it won't be too long. I've only got one more exam before the Christmas holidays but then got 4 massive end of unit ones in January. To make it worse, they're all in 3 days.<p> 


	8. Development

Sorry for the wait, lots of stuff going on and most of it not going right. Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites.

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><p><strong>Chapter 8: Development<strong>

By the time Rick arrived back at the loft that evening Jim had managed to get exactly what was needed and probably more. Rick had a proper shower before getting started, nothing beats your own facilities.

Everything sorted and laid out on the paint mats with the furniture protected both men gazed once more over the task that was upon them. Coffee and biscuits were at the ready. They'd need the coffee. Jim hoped that once they were in the swing of things that the tiredness would disappear replaced by the excitement of completing it. Or at least getting as much done tonight as possible. They both needed to get at least a bit of sleep otherwise Kate would be suspicious, especially of Rick who planned to be at the hospital as soon as visiting hours began.

"Okay, Rick." Jim said, "let's get this nursery sorted."

"We've got a lot of work to do." Rick realised, he had a plan but now he was here it was becoming a bigger task than he had envisioned. Not to mention he really wanted a sleep in his own bed. Visiting hours weren't until 11am so there would be time for both. Hopefully.

"Katie isn't getting discharged tomorrow so we've got at least another night before she has the opportunity to see this. Even then she won't be climbing the stairs."

"Right, I just hope that she likes it."

"The only thing she may not like is not having been in control but there's always the Hamptons house and this baby needs a room." His daughter always the control freak and they both knew it.

"Kate certainly won't be up for much, she sleeps a lot."

"She's just had surgery, major surgery." Jim recalled how his daughter was when she had been shot. She spent so much time sleeping it was unbelievable at times. Granted this time it wasn't as major though she still would need lots of rest and help with recuperation.

"Hopefully she won't notice if I drop to sleep then tomorrow." Rick joked.

"We'll see."

"Paintbrush for you," Rick says passing one to Jim, "and one for me. Let's get going."

Three hours of painting and wallpapering later the two men sat on the chairs in the centre of the room looking at the work that they had done. Drinking coffee that Martha had kindly brought them ten minutes ago. It was a good stopping point. The original coffee, even the coffee pot had long since been consumed.

"I must say, I'm very impressed." Jim stated,

"We've done a great job. Who knew that decorating was such hard work?"

"Ha, when was the last time you decorated like this?"

"I have no idea, you?"

"The cabin, a few years ago." Jim deliberately failed to mention that it was when he and Kate were staying up there after her shooting.

"Ah. Thank you, Jim, I couldn't have done this without you."

"No worries, anything for my grandson."

"Hmm…I tell you what, how about we get some proper food? I'm famished."

"I couldn't have suggested anything better."

They took their coffees back to the kitchen, searching through the fridge they found sausages, eggs, beans, tomatoes, and bacon. Nothing like a full English breakfast in the middle of the night.

By four in the morning, both men were struggling to stay awake coffee just wasn't enough anymore. The room was nearly done, the last bits of furniture and other bits and bobs that would arrive today would help to finish it off. They each retired to bed more than satisfied with what had been accomplished in the hours that they had spent at it.

Come visiting hours Castle was back at the hospital with Kate. She had had a short nap and when she woke she expected to see Rick awake and staring at her. However, it wasn't so. "Castle" Kate said. Not getting an instant response she tried again. "Castle"

"Hmm" he murmured in response.

"What's up with you? You're barely awake." Kate asks as she's shifter to lie on her side facing him.

"Sorry, didn't sleep much last night." He apologises as he shifts in the chair to sit up straight.

"You didn't have nightmares again?"

"No, no it wasn't like that. It's just you and James were both here and I wasn't, I was just nervous because I felt so far away and still so useless." It was partially true but he didn't want to tell her the whole truth just yet.

"No, Castle, you aren't useless. You're able to go see James whenever you want, I have to be taken."

"You'll be out of here soon though, tomorrow or the day after the doc said." He reminds her, not that she needs it. She hates being cooped up in this bed but with her son, who will remain in the hospital for a week at least, here it makes is want her to stay with him until he's released.

"Yeah, I'd say that I can't wait to get out of here but James will still be here for probably another two weeks. We can't stay with him."

"No but you need a good night of sleep, perhaps in a bed away from here might do you good. There's nobody going to come in to wake you up or beeping machines." It was one of the things that bothered him so much when he was in hospital, drove him nuts the beeping machines.

"You'll be checking on me every 5 minutes." Kate said.

"As long as I can hear your breathing every 10 minutes should be fine." Rick joked trying to lighten the mood.

Kate rolled her eyes in a classic Beckett eye roll fashion, "I'm serious though, I'll need help getting here. I'm not superwoman." He and Jim had joked about a stair lift but that was never going to happen, Kate would rather risk hurting herself than taking anything like that.

"No, I will be wide awake and taking notes when the doctor gives her discharge instructions." He had already been researching on how to look after new mothers who had had experiences like Kate had. Getting lists of what other things that would be needed to take care of her and for their premature baby also. Clothes of much smaller sizes had been bought even though the staff had said he was of good development for his age and would have been a larger baby.

"One of us needs to be." Kate joked in response. Rick yawns once again showing his real tiredness. "Hey, Castle, come here." Kate said as she patted the bed. "You need a proper sleep too."

"I'll be fine here, I don't want to hurt you."

"You'll know if you're hurting me, for the meantime let us get some proper sleep."

"Are you sure?" He asks apprehensive of lying beside her.

"Yes, now get your arse here." Kate admonished. Rick got up and laid next to her on the edge of the bed. "That's better."

Within minutes the couple were both fast asleep. Even though Rick hadn't told her the full truth about why he was so tired, it was true. He was continually thinking about Kate and James at the hospital. He knew that he would be informed if there was any change but he felt better being there.

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><p>Thanks for reading :)<p> 


	9. Nursery

Just a short filler. Only 1 (maybe 2) chapters remaining. Thanks for reading.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to all who celebrate.

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: Nursery<strong>

As it turned out Kate wouldn't be discharged for another two days which enabled Castle to have at least one night of sleep uninterrupted by decorating the nursery.

The day before her release from hospital they had the discussion which had been pending and neither wanted to bring up without reason. Both nervous of where the conversation would end up and Kate had still been deliberating in her mind. "Kate, where do you want to go tomorrow? The loft is ready but if you want to go back to your place I'll go sort that out tonight."

"Castle, if I come back to the loft I want to be coming back for good and not for a while. Now I've got James I can't be moving him about. He needs a home."

"Kate, come home, come back to the loft, there aren't any stairs to your bedroom and there's more room. There are more people who can stay there to help. There-"

"Okay, I'll go back to the loft." Kate answered, it is where she really wanted to go but needed to be convinced that it would be best for her and James in the long run. They need stability so after talking to her father and taking into consideration the past week she had decided that it was worth the risk.

"Really?"

"Yes" Kate confirmed with more confidence than last time.

It had been a discussion that had eased the stress on both of them ending with a hug then followed by more random conversation having decided that more can be sorted when she's at home.

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><p>When the doctor came to give Kate her final discharge instructions she was relieved. She was well enough to go home although James would still be in the hospital being at the loft would help her at least. "Okay, Kate, I'm happy for you to go home, if you were going to have another seizure then you would have by now. Please don't forget that you're recovering from major surgery so don't try and be superwoman. Let Mister Castle take care of you, do that so when you take your son home with you then you'll both be able to take care of him."<p>

"I'll do everything I can to take care of her." Rick said.

"Follow the discharge instructions and I'll see you for your check-up."

"Thank you." Kate said as the doctor smiled then left the couple on their own.

"Are you ready to go home, Kate?" Rick asked somewhat excitedly. Things weren't back to how they used to be, after all they now were parents to a little boy, however, they were on the right track to getting somewhere close to there.

"Yeah, let's go home." Kate said, taking his hand as he helped her into the wheelchair. Usually she would hate it but she needed the wheelchair and it would make the doctor happy.

* * *

><p>When they walked into the loft he couldn't hold out any longer, he had to tell Kate what he had done with Jim. It didn't make sense to him how he could be so nervous about something that was good, great in fact. "Kate, there was another reason that I was tired."<p>

"What?" She was worried that he had been having nightmares or something that wouldn't be good for them.

"It's upstairs. Let me help you."

"Carry me then."

"Right, yeah."

Castle carefully carried Kate up the stairs cautious of hitting the railing or hurting her. She was zapped of energy from the journey from the hospital and the way up to the loft. He let her down gently outside of the nursery door not attempting to open it while holding her.

"Is it in there?"

"Yeah, open the door." Castle instructed.

"Okay." Kate said inquisitively, she opened the door fully before looking and was amazed. "Wow, Castle, you did all of this? How?" She still had hold of his hand, partly for support in standing but also for closeness.

"Your dad helped but the two nights I've not been at the hospital, we've been doing this. I'm sorry that this wasn't ready before now and you didn't get involved but you can design the one in the Hamptons or redesign this if you want." He suggested just in case she didn't like it. Her reactions were always hard to read, her mouth forming a cute little 'o'.

"Castle, it is _amazing_, I don't want to change anything."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you and my dad must...how're you awake?" She joked, she'd pulled her fair share of all nights but she'd had a nice bed to go home to and fully recover before the next one.

"Lots of coffee and power naps." He led her over to the sofa in the corner mindful it would be a struggle for her to get out of the rocking chair.

"You did an amazing job, I love it. Everything about it the furniture, decorations, and the arrangement. We just need a baby now." Kate finishes on a lower tone as they realise that the person who the room is intended for isn't here yet.

He saw the smile fall from her face as she bows her head. Her fair falls in front of it so he goes to tuck it behind her ear. "He'll be here before you know it."

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><p>Merry Christmas :)<p>

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